Psychology defines ego as the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.

Now for the rest of us, ego is how you see yourself. It defines how you esteem your importance relative to those around you. Since everybody has an ego, to say that people with egos are a ‘pain’ to work with is not the best way to articulate the issue. It’s people with inflated egos that cause most of the people problems in the workplace. To illustrate the point, let’s play the ‘you might have big ego game’. Here’s goes!

If you see everybody at work as a competitor and plan to beat them – YOU MIGHT HAVE   AN INFLATED EGO

If you get personally insulted with those who disagree with your ideas – YOU MIGHT HAVE AN INFLATED EGO

If you criticize a coworker’s views and discard them as irrelevant – YOU MIGHT HAVE AN INFLATED EGO

If you believe you don’t ever deserve to lose; a game, a conversation, a promotion, a raise and you’re not gracious in defeat – YOU MIGHT HAVE AN INFLATED EGO

If you disagree with someone’s point because of who said it – YOU MIGHT HAVE AN INFLATED EGO

If you are feeling worse about where you are based on what other people are doing – YOU MIGHT HAVE AN INFLATED EGO

Now if it’s not you then I’m sure you know someone who should answer yes to the list above. Inflated egos are at the center of most of the controversies we deal with at work. By the way everybody can occasionally  have an inflated ego based on the situation and circumstances. However chronically inflated egos keep people from listening to other people, believing that they are smarter than the speaker. Inflated egos have some people behaving as if they are the only ones with a brain on their team. Inflated egos are almost always at the center of coworkers’ fantasies about a particular person going missing and NEVER showing up to work again! The real question here is “how should I handle working with someone who has an inflated ego?”

Glad you asked!

First, the critical issue is not to get sucked into ‘my ego is bigger than your ego’ exchange. If you let their irritating behavior cause you to respond in like fashion both of you can look rather stupid to a ‘sane’ observer. If the person is your boss allow them to be the ‘smartest’ and ‘best’ if they need to be. Your job is to do your best and get paid! If you know your boss needs to take credit for your work…let them! They will be inclined to keep you around (employed) and pay you for being the source of ‘their’ great ideas! Most of us who are irritated with arrogance and inflated egos don’t stop to consider that usually this behavior is a cover for someone’s insecurities. If you can understand that the person may be tormented with emotional wounds from past experiences you just might gain insight into their behavior. However, if they are just plain tyrannical then that’s a horse of another color. You just might take up a collection to pay for half of an ‘around the world’ cruise!

If the inflated ego belongs to a coworker, let them be as inflated as they want to be. Avoid being ‘sucked in’ because one day their inflated ego will be deflated by life. I have never seen someone with an overblown view of their worth and ability NEVER pay a price for their delusion. It might take a while. They might fool a few people but as an old oilfield worker who once told me about karma said, “Son, them chickens always come home to roost…and they bring their cousins!”

Eric Kelly is a professional executive career and lifestyle coach with over thirty years of experience in corporate America. He has established management development systems in the US, Europe, South America, Africa and the Middle East